• p.n.c

“Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.”

Back in elementary school, I was always a loner. I was either reading the next ‘Junie B. Jones’ novel, or the whole ‘Ramona Quimby’ series by Beverly Clearly. By the time I was in second grade I was top of my class and my reading skills were past someone of my age. I spent most of my time in the library, and that was by far my favorite place to be. I remember reading a coming of age novel titled, “Are you there God, it’s me Margaret.” By Judy Blume. Margaret liked long hair, tuna fish, the smell of rain, and things that are pink. Not to mention she moved from New York City to Farbook, New Jersey. (Little did I know I was going to be moving to the suburbs a couple years later.) She was an outcast because she didn’t have a “religion” and she wasn’t going to the ‘Y’ or the ‘Jewish community center.’ But she had her own unique relationship with God. She would talk to him about family, friends, puberty, and even her secret crush. One day, in second grade, there was this little boy by the name of Brian, who saw me reading a book and sitting alone, and he got up, took a spoon, used it as a slingshot, put a green pea in it and pulled it backwards. He yelled, “FOOOD FIGHT!” And of-course the green pea landed directly inside my eye. I was in so much pain, I couldn’t see. Everything went blurry. Brian thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world, while I thought, “This is it. I’m surely going to loose my eyesight.” I remember running to the clinic of P.S. 62, and the nurse didn’t really know what to do. She gave me an icepack and called my mother to pick me up. I was at-least glad to be leaving school early, but not being able to read was the worst. The more I think about it, the reason I loved to read so much was because I wanted to escape reality. I was a misfit, I felt close to invisible growing up. The novels I read allowed me to runaway, somewhere really far. There was no sense of time, bullies. It was just the characters in the novel, and myself. I didn’t feel alone. I felt less like an outcast. As I became older, there was really no “escaping” life. Or hitting the pause, or reset button. In fact Stephen Chbosky said it best, “Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody.” There’s been many moments where I’ve had to embrace exactly where I’m at, and  lean on God, even while I felt like I was hanging by a thread. However in tough situations, his grace has carried me through. My mom always tells me, “The sun always rises in the morning.” And she’s right. But part of me can’t help but wonder, in the midst of my emotions, “Are you there God? It’s me Nicole.”  

#journal #blog #creativewriting #faith #novels



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